Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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