Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
