I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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