Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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