Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
