They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
