There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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