I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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