I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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