Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
