we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
