Can i not drive my cunt home
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
