What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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