Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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