if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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