He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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