I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
