Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She announced her abortion via fbk
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
