I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
