I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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