Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
