In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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