I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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