It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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