The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
