I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
