Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
