I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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