the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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