Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
