Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
