508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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