A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
