Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
