i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
