You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
