why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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