he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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