Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
