Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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