New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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