There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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