We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
