I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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