Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
