I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
