We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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