I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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