I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
