did you get engaged???
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
