the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
