Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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