apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
