Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
